Aliens have Landed

At 4 a.m. this morning I was awakened by something. I have no idea what. I rolled over and noted flashing white light coming in my bedside window. First thinking it was lightning I didn't think much of it. As I watched in my half asleep stupor I eventually realized it was flashing rhythmically and briefly thought it must be an alien ship. Knowing I would be unable to go back to sleep until I investigated, I crawled out of bed, the dog at my side, and peeked out the blinds of the window at the foot of my bed to see a fire truck, ambulance, and various police cars parked at my corner. I love drama, but not when I'm trying to sleep. I went to the diningroom window to try to get a better look. I'm nosey, so what? I thought about taking the Mutt out to potty to see if I could really check things out but when I asked him if he wanted to go his look was clearly one of disdain, "no bitch, I want to sleep like I was before you woke me up." I ditched that idea and went back to bed where I rolled over away from the window and promptly fell asleep, the dog at my side.

I woke up this morning at 7, sick. Like hold my hair back and change my address to the bathroom sick. I can only figure one of two things could have possibly happened. First being my cooking poisoned me. Rydar had what I did last night though and he says he's just fine (maybe he's not sick, but there's always been something quite wrong with him). This leaves alien abduction and probing as the obvious problem. Maybe I'm pukey because I'm suffering with an alien hyper-pregnancy (like in Seed of Chucky an uber speedy voodoo pregnancy except not voodoo but an alien one.) Can't you just picture it now? Any child of mine would have to be the Alien(anti)christ. Not to mention how typical, I get laid and slept through or blocked out the entire thing. I clearly need to better choose my conquests.

At the rate this thing is progressing, my calculations tell me I should have an alien baby by approximately 6 p.m. this evening. I think I'll keep it.

I'm going to name it Zaquax, because somehow we know they use alot of Zs, Qs and Xs out there.


christine said...

congrats on the new bundle of joy. i suggest naming him Juan.

JDV said...

I hope you are feeling better. I was once abducted by aliens too. It wasn't a pretty sight although I really do not remember too much about it. I hope there wasn't an anal probe involved. I watch those alien shows on Discovery to see if I am ever one of the abductees but to this point...nothing.

Velcro said...

Getting laid by an alien, and sleeping through it??? It shouldn't take long for that video to hit the shelves!