Coming Out of the Closet – And Taking the Door off the Hinges

Do you believe in long-distance internet relationships? Neither do I. But being one that needs to witness something to believe it, I gave it a shot. And now, I share the aftermath with you all.

In one word. Disaster.

Lord, how long has it been? I met him several years ago, 3 maybe? Four I think. Anyway, we met when he accused me of being someone else. A rather unsavory character. Of course I was insulted! Eventually the fight turned into something else, although what, I’m not entirely sure anymore. And what it turned into never again resurfaced.

The reason this comes to mind is that he just PMed me not long ago to accuse me again of lying to him when we were together. Now am I crazy or is it crazy to expect the truth from someone you believe to be a liar after you call them a liar? That’s what I thought too. If I’m already a liar, what would I have against lying now? But alas, I’m not much of a liar, opting for brutal honesty instead. It’s more fun.

We were “together” ( as together as you can be online anyway) for a couple years. He’d know the time frames better than I would as he keeps Yahoo! Messenger IM archives. Probably alphabetized and color coded. All because he thinks he’ll need to use them again to prove a point. Anyway, things fell apart, but not so slowly as would normally be expected. I went into his email account one day (he says “hacked” I say I knew his passwords) and found questionable pictures. Yeah, that kind. Sent to two other women. I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me or had lied to me about and he responded “no”. Of course after telling what I found, there was no way around admitting the pictures existed. I got various excuses: it was an ego boost, he didn’t think I cared, he didn’t think we were together although he “wanted to be”, etc. He apologized and begged for another chance, said they meant nothing and that he'd wanted to "protect me from being hurt" instead of being the one to cause it. I never did quite get over that, honestly. I was horrible for awhile, horrible even by my standards and my standards for horrible are pretty damn high.

I gave him another chance.

I know, I know! That goes against everything women are ever taught. Once a cheat, always a cheat… No man is worth the ocean of tears you cry for him, and the one that is won’t make you cry… etc. etc. etc. But yeah anyway, I did it. But I kept him at a distance. A very large distance. Like 1200 miles worth of distance.

Things were never the same again. Onward we went, him making accusations, trying to change me, and me tiptoeing around him; for awhile. He pmed me one night to inform me that if we ever made this relationship "real" that I would have to give up my best friend. As if. For one, if I were to stop being friends with someone for any reason, that reason wouldn't be because someone else gave me an ultimatum. Least of all some internet fling that only "loves" me for what he hopes he can change me into. His jealousy got out of hand, and he began accusing me of fucking around. All the while swearing he loved me. He tried to change me. Change the way I act on the internet, wanting me to censor what I said. If I said anything suggestive he’d postalize. He constantly told me variations of “this isn’t working” and that he wanted out. For awhile the emotional blackmail got to me, until I realized that was what it was, Emotional Blackmail. I told him it was only a matter of time until he told me it wasn’t working and I’d begin to believe him. Boy, was he right.

He hated my best friend (in person) NiteRydar (add: 4/10/08 - who's not my best friend anymore), and got pissed off about whoever else I talked to online, anyone on my Myspace (take your pick), and don't think it stopped there oh no, he got jealous over women as well. Even straight ones. Because he knows I'm not.

He began to stalk me. Eye-fuck my Myspace, my blog, and my Myspace group. Someone would post something and literally one-three minutes later he was in my PM box throwing a fit at me. He constantly asked me if I wanted to get back together. No matter my answers it didn’t stop him from asking. Finally I had it and said this (now a dead link).

Since then I’ve received numerous messages from him. Those can be found in the second entry at the above link.

Was I out of line? Probably. Was my cruelty necessary? Probably not. Was it entertaining? Absolutely. To be entirely honest, the only thing that made me feel better about the whole thing was the way I handled it in the end. I asked him if he minded if I blogged about this. He said that I never could keep anything personal private. He was right and here it is. Although, probably not as nastily put as he’s expecting.

In summary – internet relationships are bullshit. Learn from my mistakes. If you choose not to learn from my mistakes, definitely secure any small furry creature of boiling size.

1 comment:

Kensington said...

I met my Fiance over the internet. But it was through a business that he had. Anyways, we have been together over a year. If I had to do it all again, I would never turn on the computer! Not that I don't like him, cause I do. But the distance is hell. And I would rather be single than send another man I am with an IM.

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