11.15.2007

Current Annoyance

Among many, and this is a big annoyance folks: Almond cans. Seriously. I have this can of "Natural Almonds" (Walgreen Brand) sitting in front of me. Oh yes, they're quite good, except there's no salt but that's my own fault for buying them that way. My problem is that as I sat here, I began to read the can. It says to me --

WARNING: May Contain Almonds

No kidding. What has this world come to? I can imagine why this warning about almonds is posted on an almond can, and it's likely because someone with an almond allergy opened this can of almonds and ate one. Maybe two or three even. Broke out in hives, his or her trachea narrowed and he or she began to wheeze until his or her breathing stopped completely from the total windpipe shrinkage. Then, fell unconscious, maybe even convulsed a little, and as a direct result of eating almonds with an almond allergy, died. His or her family undoubtedly sued the almond canning company, or maybe the almond harvesters themselves, won millions, maybe more, because there was no warning label on a can of almonds that the said can may contain almonds.

Oh you know I'm right.

Since then, to avoid unnecessary deaths and further lawsuits, the almond packaging company has began putting warning labels on it's can of nuts. Safety first you know.

Honestly, someone eating almonds should probably realize beforehand they're ingesting almonds and oh I don't know, not do it if they're allergic? The person who opens a can that states "Natural Almonds" and then sues anybody for their not realizing the can contained "Almonds", likely deserves to swell up, suffocate, convulse, and fall unconscious. Do I think they deserve death? Absolutely not, stupidity should not be a fateful sentence. But really, who could drudge up a bit of sympathy? Not I. Sorry.

Which brings me to my next bitch. How many of you have burnt the shit out of yourself on coffee? Quite a few, yes? I totally dig convenience stores, Kwik Shop, 711, Conoco, cups that tell you in no uncertain terms that "This beverage is very HOT!" and beseech that you "Please be careful." What the fuck did you think you were buying, a milkshake? Coca Cola (they're slant isn't Ice Cold Coca Cola for nothing, shitsticks.)? Frozen Dr. Pepper? Mmmm..

Anyway, it's revolting that anyone is catering to anyone with a severe lack of common sense. This, along with stupidity, should not be a fatal error, no way.. But honestly, how many times can people really eat cans of Natural Almonds without "May contain Almonds" warning labels? Or drink scalding hot coffee without the cup and lid begging you to be careful that the beverage that you just ordered is very "HOT!" and not get hurt? It would be an epidemic of mass proportions.

Your luck has to run out sometime.

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