I'm telling you, there's something wrong with me emotionally. For sure. Either that or I'm just really as big a bitch as everyone says.. Hmm.. I'll have to ponder that later.
I text him last night with "I have an idea, would you like to hear it?"
Because really, what better did I have to do last night but homework, hmmm?
He says "sure". And I inform him that we'll have to reach a compromise if it's going to work out.
Yes, I know I set myself up to get all pissed off, but I just can't seem to help it.
Anyway, he claims he's willing to compromise, but that I "must understand" that Dee is a part of him and he has sole custody, and sole custody means that he gets no help from her mom and she turns to him for all her needs, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum, spare me the idiocy.
She seems to be a nice kid when she's texting me, I genuinely thought I could tolerate her just until I got to go to Branson! He's the problem.
And you know what? If I started seeing cash, I would so seriously just keep my yap shut. I really would. It'd be hard, but I would do it. I don't want a future with this man anyway, I don't even like him. Yes, I'm using him, yes, I'm a gold-digger, and yes, I think that's perfectly ok and moral considering he's using me as well for the "younger trophy girl". So fuck him and pass the cash.
He seriously told me that he'll make time for me.. alone.. but that she "has to be included sometimes". Do you see the problems with this? One: You never TELL someone, a date especially, that they HAVE to include your fucking offspring. Two: If I have to include his fucking offspring, and I'm one of his number ones (no kidding, he told me he has "three number ones, his mommy, his daughter, and me.. I couldn't make this shit up!) that he HAS to get rid of his fucking kid to go out with me MOST of the time.
Something else maybe I forgot to mention -- He has 3 step-kids.. that aren't really his step kids because he was never married to their mom, but regardless he calls them "his step children".. *Gag* .. Anyway, one is 29, one is 27, and one is 25. Um.. I'm 30?
It's ALL I can do not to say, look dude, I'm the same age as your "step children" and you know that makes you feel pretty good to get a woman the age of your kids. Don't you think that oh say maybe, just maybe, you should hang on to that while she's still willing to pretend to tolerate you to go to Branson?
Do I have issues, or what?
I texted him a bit ago, told him I have a clinical trial appointment in KC on the 22nd of August, asked if he was interested, hahahahaha.. Um.. You know I have every right to throw a fit if he tries to include his kid, yes? AND I can also use the good old guilt trip about it being SUCH a hard trip for me, and I have trouble driving after dark sometimes because the headlights hurt my eyes.
His third number one NEEDS him!
Speaking of needing, I'm about to tell him my Mom's going to start going on dates with us, because she's not feeling good and I figured it was ok since he expects me to understand that he has to be there for them when they need him, and Mom needs me.. So I figured it'd be ok!
He'll get tired of that real quick like, eh?
Why do I have this horrible desire to make him miserable?
I'll add that to my list of things to ponder when I have nothing better to do...
Lets see if there are any other interesting texts from last night..
"I dont expect u to jump right into the entire family but u must understand i have sole custody of d she is part of me i will make time for u but i cant just drop her if u want me u must accept her to"
I told him here that not once did I suggest he abandon her OR sell her on ebay. In fact, I originally admired him a bit for being a single dad when mom clearly bailed. But that I don't really know HIM that well, and that should be first priority.
"Sole custody means i have total responsibility her mom doesnt help at all which means she turns to me for everything n i must be there for at least 4 or 5 more years u must accept that"
As if in 5 years I won't be so disgusted with you that I can't stand the sight of you. Even though I don't even remember much of what you look like, because I've met you ONE TIME! As if I'm too stupid to know what "sole custody" means. It means you're the Sole Idiot. Duh.
"We both understand that shes ok with that but when she needs me i have to be there n she has to be included sometimes"
We BOTH understand that? SHE'S ok with that?! What the christ? Who gives a fuck, SHE is the CHILD, HE is the ADULT, HE deserves a life too, and SHE can just suck it up and deal. SHE'S FOURTEEN! And why the fuck does she HAVE to be included sometimes? Seriously, I... Don't even know... HIM!!! (this deserves a few more exclamation marks) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus. No really. Fuck.
I swear, I don't even like the man, and this pisses me off to no end.
Is it a sickness with me? Am I a glutton for punishment? I can't win this one, and I know this. I don't even like the man, I think he's a fucking deluded degenerate trailer-living daughter worshipping loser mama's boy with a spoiled rotten butt-ugly (Pinky said she's butt-ugly) fourteen year old brat that runs the show. There's barely a greater loser in the dating scene on the planet that this man right here. Seriously. Yet, still.. Still I fight this one. Is it boredom? Is it that I want to hang on to him as a back-up until I find someone else? Do I really want to go to Branson this badly? What is wrong with me?
Oh who cares. If Karma wants to kick my ass in the man department for something I don't even know the first thing about, at least I can take Karma's tool down with me, right?
I keep waiting for him to say something along the lines of "it's too early for you to be acting this way, thinking you come before my family, I've only met you once!"
I'll unload on him. You know this, yes?
I'll say, look here you fucking idiot, it's not ME asking YOU to move in, I'M not offering to support YOU, I didn't ask YOU to go to Branson or Ark City, or anywhere else with ME! YOU did this, YOUR daughter is the one telling everyone that Daddy has a girlfriend! YOU'RE the one making this more serious than it should be by INSISTING your daughter be included.. Like I'M going to be HER fucking MOTHER!
Oh I so will.
And I'll enjoy it.