11.30.2008

Kandie has Decided

During the semester from hell, the loss of her Great Grandma, the loss of Bandit, health concerns, finding out who her true friends are and how few they really are, and not being able to sufficiently complete her 15 credit hours, that she is going to return to her original major - Law.

Now, I'm no longer sure where I'll go with it, because originally, I wanted to be a Lawyer. I have since been informed that I'm just too old for that and I'd be in college until I'm 40. So, I just don't know.

What I do know is that I hate Health Information, I hate Health Care, I hate the people I know that are nurses and what I had wanted to be was in Forensics anyway and frankly, here, there's no demand for forensic nurses.

Let me tell you how I came to this decision:

I lost my Great Grandma on October 6th, and I missed classes that day. There was a Microbiology test. That was kind of the first straw, when things started the downward spiral. But when I found out that Microbiology would likely keep me from being accepted to Nursing, even though it's a 2nd semester class and not a prerequisite to applying, I realized that that was just utter unadulterated bullshit. My GPA is 3.4 - to be accepted, you have to have a 2.75. I have all of the non-nursing required classes for the entire program.. And then some. Classes like Pathophysiology, Pharmacology, so on and so forth.. But flunking Microbiology - which I was planning to retake immediately next semester, will likely keep me out of the program. What kind of a crock of shit is that anyway?

October 22nd, the health concerns escalated (I’m still not willing to discuss it in public, those that know me, know what I’m talking about), and I started to crash. I kept telling myself that if I survived this semester, I could survive anything.

Health Information - I'm a semester plus clinicals away from graduation. I hate it. I should have quit it years ago when I had to bribe my ex to get me through Health Statistics. Or when I struggled so badly in the ICD-9 Coding classes. Numbers terrify me, and it's safe to say, with no exaggeration, that I'm a mathematical retard. But no, I kept going. And here I am, 7 years later, with nothing to show for it but a shitload of frustration, a hatred of college, a non-existent social life, and a nowhere destination.

The plan was originally, to apply to nursing and while I was waiting to start (you apply August through January and find out if you're accepted in March or so, and then you start the following August) I was going to finish Health Information. Which leads me to the second straw - I'm currently retaking one of my classes from 4 semesters ago - Health Record App II. Strangely enough, I had gotten a D in the class when I was working full time and taking classes full time too. Just like I attempted to do this time. It's loaded with math.. Which we should have already fucking covered in health statistics, right? Whatever.. We're doing it all again. I'm thinking that the D from the former semester may actually top my grade this round.

If I flunk Health Record App II and Microbiology, that's 5 credits down.

I kept saying, all semester, 'one more thing.. I just can't take on one more thing.." And the 'one more things' just kept coming.

Friday we lost Bandit, after 16 years.

The past three months are a blur, but each minute feels like an eternity; it’s never going to end.. And if it does, it won't end well.

Ok, that's my moment of self-pity. Carry on.

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