Yes, More Drama

At work, they fired a girl who "deals drugs" like I do. This cuts us down to three Dealers instead of four. Two Dealers work at a time, we're down to 3; you do the math. This is my weekend to work, but next weekend I'm supposed to be off.. I agreed to pick up Sunday. Tomorrow's supposed to be my day off - I haven't yet been asked to fill in, but it's undoubtedly coming. If I work tomorrow, it'll put me at 9 scheduled days before my next day off. They have hired two new Dealers, but aren't orienting them till the end of the month, when allegedly, they're letting one of the three of us go. No, it's not me, and no, it's not my partner (the one I usually work with).

When this change occurs, my partner and I will be split up from our weekends together because they don't want the new two working together, but with us.

I'm just like, "whatever".

We have too much backstabbing bullshit going on on 2nd shift. One of the problems (CNA) is being transferred to 1st shift and to the Memory Care Unit, so that's one less problem for me. There's been some talk about another moving over there on our shift, but that's not decided yet. At one point, I was considering an opening over there, but I'm going to be honest - I can't handle Dementia. I didn't even realize until last night that I couldn't handle it, until one of my residents told me, crying, that she was losing her best friend/boyfriend to Alzheimer's, and how it's the cruelest disease imaginable. She told me that Alzheimer's funerals are easier to attend than watching the disease progress. My problem isn't working with the Dementia patients so much as it is working with the survivors of dementia's victims.

I love my Old People.

But there is little worse than old people who's families have abandoned them. Or old people who are losing their loved ones at a horrible speed.

And, as soon as I get through school (hopefully I can stick it out till then), I am getting out of there.

But while I'm posting, you may have noticed my recent talk about needing a change, and wanting to start all over. I'm doing this, and I'm doing it on Facebook as well. My post asking "who's with me?" - I'm deleting everyone who doesn't respond to it, or that I don't hear from via email/text/etc. during the time the status message is up.

I am completely burnt out, all the way around. While facebook isn't the problem, there's no solution to be found there either. This makes it useless to me, and most of the people with it. I spend most of my evenings with elderly people that I cater to, and do what I can to make their lives easier - and I don't mind at all, because they deserve it.

But so do I. And when I'm not there - I'm single, have pretty shitty friends, and aside from the family that has been here for me forever - it's going to be all about me.. In all it's selfish glory.

So there.

1 comment:

Toni said...

sometimes you really just need to take time for yourself and that is more than forgiveable, do what you need to :).

In your real life you take care of your patients, your mom and your friends so you deserve some good being taken care of as well..

I hope you find whatever it is you need my friend, I really just wish I could help you with it.

I know you and I will always keep in touch, I just really hate seeing you sad/disappointed/disgusted or any of the other non productive emotions that are part of this thing we call life....

Take care darling & we'll talk soon, keep your head up and know that you really are cared about (all the way in Canada ;))

lotsa luv