5.23.2012

Just to Prove I'm Not Totally a Sexist Bitch

(**I fully realize this picture doesn't truly fit the post at hand, but I find her weird in that I'd totally fuck this chick if she didn't scare the shit out of me I was a lesbian, kinda way.)

I'm going to tell the story of a couple of ex friends of mine. True, this is a relatively old story, but I was asked a couple days ago why I chose to go into nursing. This is the answer.

A Side Note:

I'm all for equal opportunity. I hate most people equally. Including my best friend "Pinky" - who I've had a pseudo on again off again open Facebook relationship with. She smears the love/hate line though. Often.


Anyway, we're going to call these ex-friends "Old Chick (OC)" and "Backstabber (BS)". I know those are generic names, but for the purpose of this post, will do just fine.

I met these two during my last summer semester before nursing school. I thought at the time that we had all hit it off fairly well, but was told later by OC that BS had stated that I was "evil" and had "empty eyes". What does that mean anyway? Well, I don't know if that was actually ever said, because it was told to me during a falling out between OC and BS.





We were all in an A&P class together and wound up study partners. They were both intending to go into the nursing program and, since I was in Health Information Technology, I had all of the prerequisites desired for the program, too. "We can all do it together!" Whee! I told them I was entirely, and utterly, uninterested in becoming a nurse. Oh, but it'll be soooo much funnnn!" So I thought about it and realized that I was also entirely and utterly uninterested in health information as well. I said to them, and vowed to myself, that "if I'm accepted, I'll go and I'll finish, because it was meant to be. And, well, if I'm not accepted I'll do something else because it wasn't my calling. Those of you that truly know me know well that I leave many things up to The Universe, as I wholly believe that sometimes it slings shit your direction to see if you're willing to fight through it for what you want. The Universe, with it's discriminatory and rabid shit-slinging monkey tendencies, allowed me to be of the first chosen for the program. Yay. I got in. I ain't gonna lie and say I wasn't excited, because hell, really? I was chosen. They wanted me. I later learned that even a crackwhore-computer-hacker-faking-cancer-for-quick-cash could ping their do-want radar. No joke. Seriously, I couldn't make this shit up. But anyway, I digress. I was accepted and then put through two hellacious years that had me questioning daily what stupid bullshit I signed myself up for. Thanks, Universe.

No, really. Thanks Universe. NOW that I'm glad I stuck with it. I appreciate you making me go.

But, I digress. Again.

So, I get accepted, BS and OC (you guessed it!) don't. That friendship, if it could be considered such -- which in hindsight it cannot -- came to a screeching, catfight close-call blow out. Bitches.

Stop me if you've heard this story, I can't remember if I've told it or not.

OC was a whackjob. I remember helping her with a Med Term assignment because I loved that class and she was struggling with pronunciations. After she got an A on her test, she asked to take me to lunch. I went. This was when we first began hanging out. She was strange, I mean really strange, and you know how high my threshold for strange is, right? I clearly recall her sitting across from me in the booth and telling me, over her alfredo pasta and my veggie patch pizza and our margaritas, that she smothered her oldest daughter's hamster to death because "it was old and dying, and I didn't want my daughter to have to go through that", so she killed the poor thing and said it died in its sleep. I was caught off guard; I remember clearly not saying anything but quite possibly giving her my most authentic deer in the headlights look, which I'm sure you've heard me mention here. I didn't know whether she was yanking my chain or not. Later, I dropped hints to the heinous act a few times, and she never told me about it again. It was like it never happened or she never told me.

You know how you can be around someone that just makes you feel...bad? Like bad inside. Like sick emotionally. Like.. wrong. She did. I'm honestly ashamed to say now that I remained her friend for a time being after that.

Anyway, as the time went on and the pressure increased to prepare to fight for our places in the nursing program, our friendship deteriorated. Backstabber had dropped from the picture a short time previous after trying to set me up with her husband's cousin that I was leery to date because he was too young for me. He and I talked, though, and got along quite well. One day, he told BS that he was talking to someone else too, and asked her if it was ok since he was still talking to me. She said that yes, it was perfectly alright. Well, she told OC that this conversation had taken place, and OC, being the entirely wacky friend she was, got pissed at BS and told her that, "No, no it most certainly is not ok." Then, she told me, and we decided to exclude her from our clique because she just wasn't spiffy enough to grace our presence. Yeah. Tear jerking story, right there.

I've grown weary of this topic. Haven't you?

Who am I kidding? You haven't read this far!

The two morals of this story are that:
1. at 4 a.m. I'll type about anything, and that
2. not all of my stories have morals.

Night, folks.

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