"Who's Number is This?"
"Nobody Important!" - Love, Your Smart Phone

The weirdo that prompted the posts Infiltrated and Cattiness - Not Just for Women Anymore has disgraced my presence, again. This time, I sent a mass text to people whose numbers I had in my phone, but that my phone decided wasn't worth recalling who they belonged to. Apparently, his was one. My smart phone truly IS a Smart Phone. Who knew?!

Instead of him just saying, "Hey, Vix, it's me and we shouldn't talk," and me saying, "Ohhhh, I recognize you!" here's part of the enthralling conversation that ensued:

Him :: What do you just have random numbers with no names?

Me :: No, I had names. I don't anymore.

Him :: Hmmmm ok

Me :: lol, ok, forget it, I'll delete it.

Him :: Well that's what you said you were gonna do in the first place lol. You crack me up

Me :: Ok, bye

Him :: I thought we'd been through this before. I deleted your number many months ago

Me :: Um. Ok? But you know who I am... right. As I said, I'll delete yours, it's no problem.

Him :: If you want to, it really doesn't matter. I forgot how hostile you are lol

Me :: If hostile means I don't have patience for stupid games, yep.

Him :: Just your own

Me :: You know, it's not too difficult to figure out who you are after all. And I'm not really sure why you so strongly dislike me, but so be it.

Him :: Hey I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but like you said, so be it.

Me :: You remind me every time we talk why we don't.

Him :: Likewise now piss off

Me :: lol, hey I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Him :: Actually you're turning me on

He sent me a pic of his junk before, mind you. Seriously. And no, I didn't ask.

Me :: Imagine that.

Him :: Yep

Me :: Too bad you're not my type.

Him :: I guess so

Me :: Why are you such a flaming asshole to me anyway?

Him :: Personality conflict

Me :: So you must be a flaming asshole to everyone then.

Him :: No.. my current girlfriend would probably vouch that I am not. Shall I ask her?

Me :: No thanks, if she's your girlfriend it tells a lot about her lack of intelligence. Not a reliable source.

Him :: And the chick I dated after you, would probably vouch for me too.. so we can safely say its just you

Him :: Say what you like toots, I'm over it. Get a life, I wasn't the one that initiated all this!

Me :: lol, look, idiot, I simply asked whose number this was so I wasn't deleting anyone important. You clearly, are not important except in your own little mind. Give the poor deluded girl, if she even exists, my condolences and then fuck right off, little man.

Him :: Damn.. you're still jabbering? Does someone have to shove a dick in your mouth to get you to shut the fuck up???

The "junk pic" I mentioned above? Yeah, if it were his, I could still talk around it. Just sayin'.

Me :: So are you! lol, does the dick in your mouth method work for you?

Him :: I prefer titties. Titties work :)

Me :: And you're just the right height.

Him :: For what? You're shorter than me. How does that even make sense?

Me :: I'm not shorter than you, mini man.. you even asked if I was wearing heels when you met me, lol

Now, obviously, the logical thing for him to do here is suddenly pretend I must be thinking I'm talking to someone other than him. Here's where he asks if I'm "fucking retarded" and do "you seriously know who you're talking to?" Which, of course, it is apparent who I'm talking to, and also that he's not grown up at all. Literally as well, with his short 5'3" frame. In my opinion, he should consider lifts.


Alibi Keeper said...

Smart phone all right. For someone who didn't want to talk to you, he sure was a chatty Cathy. Has he thought about stitching his mouth shut or vocal cord removal?

Vixen said...

We could have him debarked - like they do dogs! I totally don't approve of it for dogs, of course, because I think it's cruel.. But for men, you bet!