1.10.2013

We Have Decided Not to Offer You Membership

at this time.. Normally I don't do this sort of thing, but this annoyed me to the level that I am. I applied for membership at this blog site, kinda like a club sorta thing, you know? I saw it on a blog I was reading and was impressed so I applied, right? Well, I received this email (the name has been removed, because, well fuck you):

Thank you so much for applying to be part of the ****** ***** **********.

After reviewing your information, we have decided not to offer you membership at this time. Please know that this is not a personal decision, and we will absolutely reconsider your site if you reapply and meet more of our guidelines, below.

Please feel free to email us (membership@**********.com) if you have any questions or feel this decision has been made in error.

Site Acceptance Guidelines

We seek bloggers who:
Have a clear point of view
Post only original content
We do not accept sites with re-posted content or cut-and-pasted press releases
Post regularly: approximately once/week
Show evidence of readership engagement (comments, active Twitter and Facebook accounts, etc.)
Have been blogging longer than 6 months
Have good, clean design. Sites must:
Be easy to read
Load quickly
Have a standard-sized header (approx 1-2.5")
Not display typos or grammatical errors
50% or more of the page design devoted to content, versus ads or badges
Have a minimal number of animated badges (preferably none)

We do not accept business websites or contest-only blogs.

In addition, while we do accept some bloggers who focus on reviews, discounts, coupons, contests, etc, due to overwhelming requests, we are currently only considering review blogs that:
Meet all design criteria above
Show evidence of excellent community engagement
Are niche or "expert" blogs on a specific topic or location, and a majority of posts illustrate this.

Thank you,
****** ***** **********


So wherein lies the problem? You tell me:

Have a clear point of view (Check ✓)

Post only original content (With the occassional link to something that's impressed me: Check ✓)

We do not accept sites with re-posted content or cut-and-pasted press releases (Check ✓)

Post regularly: approximately once/week (Ummm, Check ✓)

Show evidence of readership engagement (comments, active Twitter and Facebook accounts, etc.) (Is my denial because I don't have a happenin' crowd hanging on my every word? Isn't that the entire point of joining some stupid blog "club"?)

Have been blogging longer than 6 months (Check ✓)

Have good, clean design. Sites must:

Be easy to read
(Is it my fucking language? Does it make it hurt to read me?)

Load quickly (It does on my computer.)

Have a standard-sized header (approx 1-2.5") (Did you actually measure my header?)

Not display typos or grammatical errors (Grammatical errors? Typos?? Me?! You clearly didn't read my blog before denying it. Check ✓)

Have 50% or more of the page design devoted to content, versus ads or badges (Check ✓)

Have a minimal number of animated badges (preferably none) (Check ✓)

We do not accept business websites or contest-only blogs. (Check ✓)

In addition, while we do accept some bloggers who focus on reviews, discounts, coupons, contests, etc, due to overwhelming requests, we are currently only considering review blogs that:

Meet all design criteria above
(Cookie cutter bloggage.. Good angle!)

Show evidence of excellent community engagement (See above.)

Are niche or "expert" blogs on a specific topic or location, and a majority of posts illustrate this. (I'm an expert on fucking everything. Check ✓).

I'd like to respond.




Thank you so much for denying my blog entry to the ****** ***** *********.

After being denied by your nazi administrators, I have decided to withdraw my membership application at this time. Please know that this decision is personal and based entirely on your obvious lack of quality standards, and therefore I will not be reapplying with any attempt to meet the cookie cutter guidelines you have listed in your previous email. My prior application was premature and further investigation on my part should have been conducted before sending it.

According to your Site Acceptance Guidelines, I fit your search criteria, and fortunately surpass most of your regulations. Therefore, if I may offer some advice to you:

Don't limit your requirements to:
• People who demonstrate the inability to think for themselves
• Bloggers that only post topics that fit within your narrow-mindedness (diversity is a key element to readership success)
• Blog authors that are unwilling to promote excellent posts between co-bloggers
• Have been blogging longer than 6 months (quality bloggers may be new to this, and shouldn't be discriminated against)
• Bloggers that have the time to eat bonbons in front of their monitor every day (some of us have jobs)
• Authors that already have an extensive following (this suggests, correctly no doubt, that your "clique" is only for your own popularity and not the camaraderie your website suggests)
• Standard sized headings (again, diversity)
• Niche or "expert" bloggers (it is ok to just be "average" on any number of topics. Passion is important, and opinions prompt discussion.)

I do agree, ****** **** ********** Administrator, that easy reading, quick loading, attractive, and well written sites are preferred. This said, you don't have the right to request that which you do not offer. Your website is dull. It's appearance is very lackluster and plain. You do not appear to be an expert on any specific subject matter, nor do you offer any original content aside from that which you boast of your "members". Your site lives vicariously through the followers you have accrued with your high, yet highly faulty, membership requirements. Your "club" concept is very much about forming a snob society, and does not encourage - or apparently even accept - traffic from outside sources. What good is this? It isn't.

Please feel free to email me (scalvak@gmail.com) if you have any questions or feel butthurt because my opinion makes you sensitive and weepy, or wounds the pride you have for your substandard traffic-producing concept. Rest assured, this post has not been made without half-assedly researching your website. This website review has not been made in error.

Yours in utmost sincerity,
Vixen

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2 Comments:

At 9:26 PM, January 10, 2013 , Blogger Muttski said...

This is why I dig you and your blog.

 
At 9:37 PM, January 10, 2013 , Blogger Vixen said...

My charm and fabulous personality? Thanks! :)

 

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